||[Aug. 2nd, 2005|09:15 pm]
The community for negative entries.
|||||The Dismemberment Plan- Gyroscope||]|
Rawr. I just did it again.
Why do I always make everyone else seem superior to me. Everytime I get invited out, I always question why that person is asking me to go out, and not someone else. I keep putting people before myself and the thing is I don't understand why I do it, it just feels right I guess.
Maybe, it's because they are better than me, socially, economically and physically. I mean my personality will never give a good first impression, and my real friends are only the people who've taken the time to get to know me. But still, I know I will never be as good as anyone else.
Ugh, I sound so angsty...but it's true. I'm not even looking for sympathy/empathy I'm just writing this so I can clear my mind. I would really like to get rid of these thoughts, but every time I get one step closer to over-coming my "put-myself-down" nature, I always have to let my negative feelings get ahead of me.
I guess it's somewhat impossible for me to think highly of myself, but I really want to and the thing that bothers me most is how to change, i mean even if i did gain more confidence...would i be perceived as cocky and up-my-own-arse?
Argh, I just make myself so angry sometimes. I turn to writing to see if I can clarify my thoughts, and all I end up doing is rambling on and just making things more of a mess.